At Least the War is Over
by SabrinaScissorhands
Summary: Five years later, and Gale is only now realizing how much he's been longing for any sort of friendship. And he never guessed that when he found it, it would be her. Post-Mockingjay AU; GalexJohanna; T/M Rating.
1. Part I

**Part I;**

For the longest time, I'd been avoiding vacation. Passing up the days off to keep my mind busy. There was nothing I was more afraid of than my own thoughts. Nothing I hated more. But for the past month, it seems I've had a constant hammering in my head. Every click of the keyboard pounds in my temples.

I know I have to take a day or two off.

Perhaps a week or two.

I just need to go. Go somewhere.

My fingers drag heavily over the map of Panem that hangs over the desk in my room. I close my eyes and randomly select somewhere. I hold my finger in one spot for a long time, eyes still shut. At last, my eyes slowly flit open and land on a District number.

Four.

Four would be a perfect vacation spot, really. I've never been to the beach, after all, and people seem to like it. Surely, there will be enough to get my mind off work and yet not allow it to be idle.

Yes, that is what I need.

As quickly as I can without hurting my head, I make my way over to my phone, call up my boss, and inform him that I'm taking the next three weeks off. I've earned enough vacation days to take off three months, but I could not take all that. He asks no questions.

I then collapse onto my bed and let out a relieved sigh.

I'm asleep before I can even wonder what on earth I would _do_ on a vacation.

;x

The train ride is shorter than I expected. It took only a few hours; silent ones on my part. Panem drifts by me, and my eyes don't leave the window for more than a minute or two at a time. This is the first time I've left District Two since the revolution. When was that? Just over five years ago? Must have been.

However long, I plan to savor this time as much as possible. Even though I have no one to see and nowhere to be, it will be better than being cooped up in the office. Maybe I could meet someone. I nearly scoff at the idea.

That would be a miracle.

As soon as I'm off the train, I am assaulted by the strong heat and bright light of Four. I raise my hand to my face, blocking the rays from my eyes. A sea of people is before me, bubbling about. The town square isn't far off; I can see it from where I stand.

With a sort of sigh, I start forward, maneuvering through the people. They are all so tan, and my pale, olive skin seems to almost clash. Their light hair, too, only acts to point me out as a tourist. I catch a few looks, a few smiles.

They're nice here, it seems.

Before I know it, I've made my way to a not-too-fancy hotel and am paying for a three nights' stay. I figure it may be more fun to move around since Four is so huge. Perhaps I'll be back here. Though, I've never been one to be too attached to anything or anyone. At least, not in five years.

I don't bother getting settled in the hotel. I merely toss my small suitcase onto the bed, pocket my wallet, and am right back out again.

From where I am, it takes me only ten minutes to walk to the beach. My jeans and t-shirt make me more comfortable, despite making me stick out even more.

The sun is invading, the heat intrusive. On the beach, there are a number of stalls set up away from the shore. Fruit, drinks, jewelry, snacks. It's interesting and unlike anything around where I live.

I walk slowly along the row of tiny shops, looking at the people's smiling faces, politely declining their attempts to sell me things. A few people I don't know say hello, and I politely nod their way. When I'm finally to the end of the line, I stop at a small fruit stand.

"Hello, can I get you something?" the girl asks, white teeth shining in her wide grin.

I look carefully at the arrangement of fruits before her before saying, "Ah, yes… What is this… thing?" I point loosely to an oddly shaped one.

"Star fruit! See, it looks like a star." She holds it up.

"Oh, of course… what's it like?" I ask lightly.

"It's very good! I like it a lot. Almost as good as a kiwi."

"Kiwi?"

"Oh, yes. Never had one?"

I shake my head.

"I'm sure you would like them," she chirps.

"Well, alright… I'll take one of each. And… what is this?" I gesture to a small, flat something rather in a package.

"That's a sort of candy. Tastes like fruit. We make it ourselves." The smile on her face never leaves.

"Well, I'll have one of those too…" I say slowly. I told myself on the train that I would try to experience whatever Four had to offer. And if fruit candies was part of that, so be it.

"Very good! That's a two dollars."

I give her the money without question, and she in turn hands me the two foreign fruits and the candy in a small bag.

"Thank you very much," the girl says, still smiling.

I nod, turning away silently.

I continue to walk down the beach, not knowing what to do. As I walk, I pull the pocket knife out from on my keychain and cut into the odd, fuzzy one. Kiwi. I taste it hesitantly. It's nothing like anything we have in Two. Or had in Twelve.

I finish it slowly and toss away the outside skin. That seemed too strange to eat, and I then try the star fruit. Again, it's like nothing I've had before. The few fruits we have in Two and in Twelve were not nearly as strong as these. I then pocket the candy, deciding to save it for later. I then find myself meandering, with nothing particular to do.

So I occupy myself with people watching. A number of people are playing some sort of sport with a net, laughing and grinning. Every time I see a girl with long, dark hair or a boy with brown or bronze hair, my attention flickers to him or her. Even though I doubt it will happen, in the back of my mind I am looking for Annie and her son.

Of course I don't see them, though. Only a bunch of strangely happy faces, which are completely unknown to me.

I let out a long, heavy sigh. Part of me likes my ability to fade into the background here, not having to worry about interacting with people I don't want to see. But yet, I miss having friends. I miss talking to people.

Since moving to Two, I've had a girlfriend or two. Gone to bars with a few co-workers. Though none of them have made me truly happy. No one has in a long time. And I miss it. More specifically, I miss the woods. I miss hunting. I miss Twelve, with Mom, Rory, Vick, Posy, and… Katniss. Hell, I even miss Peeta. I miss seeing people I know. I miss the rebellion, in all honesty. Finnick. Beetee. Even that Johanna. The rebellion was the first and last time I was surrounded by a lot of people I enjoyed being around. People who really understood me in some form or another.

With nothing else to do and a disheartened feeling in the pit of my stomach, I head back into town.

For the rest of the day, I go to a few restaurants, a few bars, just getting a feel for the people and culture here. I never would have thought it could be so different. Sure, not everyone in District Two is serious, but it's a lot more solemn than here. And after awhile, I start to loosen up. The pounding in my head changes from painful to the beat of music that exhilarates me.

I finally allow a smile to play at my lips around nine as I make my way out of a particularly busy bar. Even away from the pulsing lights and loud music that played in there, the people seem excited. The night life, if nothing else, is a lot better here than in Two.

And the atmosphere stays about the same until I'm just about back to my hotel. Then one glaring difference catches my eye. The first bit of negativity I've seen since I arrived.

A woman. Dark hair, dark eyes, and tanned skin. She is tugging a small boy, about four- or five-years old, down the street. She snaps at him, telling him that he needs to hurry up. But something about the duo makes me stop. I'm not sure if it's the edge in the woman's voice or the bronze in the boys hair. But I know these two.

I'm only a few feet from them, and I can hear the conversation.

"Noah, your mother will be worried if we are not home soon!" she growls, hand tightly wrapped around his.

"But Auntie… I don't _want_ to! I wanted to buy candy! I wanted candy, I told you!"

She glares at him. "I know you are not a brat, so please stop acting like it. We have to go home."

"But Auntie… Please… Right over there…" He throws an arm towards the beach.

"Look, they're probably all closed anyway," she says, exasperated. "I'm sure we have some sort of candy at home."

"We do not," he mutters. His face falls, and he looks about ready to concede to go with her.

As the spoke, I slowly made my way towards them. Too wrapped up in their conversation, they didn't notice me. Not until I spoke. "Here, kid," I say, holding out the candy.

He looks about ready to take it when the woman stops him.

"We really shouldn't take food from strangers, thank you, though," she replies, eyes not even going towards my face.

"Oh, but I'm not."

Her gaze suddenly jerks towards my face, and for a moment she looks carefully at me. And then she freezes.

"Oh my god," she breathes. "Oh my—"

Before I know it, she's thrown her arms around me, and I awkwardly hug her back, a small laugh escaping my lips. Quickly she jerks away, hand going through her hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm not usually like that. I mean, you know that. I just… Gale. Oh my god."

"Hey, Johanna," I reply slowly, hand going to the back of my neck.

The boy, Noah, pokes Johanna's side. "Who is that?" he nearly whispers.

"That's Gale, Noah. That's Gale," she says, sounding flustered. "You've heard us mention him, right?"

He nods mutely. "Then can I take the candy?"

I smile lightly, handing it over at Johanna's scattered nod.

"Wow, uh… I've got to get home with this kid, why don't you walk with us?" she says.

I nod, going with them as they continue onto a less busy street.

"So, Gale. What are you doing in Four?" she questions, seeming like she has finally gotten over the shock of seeing me.

"Vacation. Work is… a lot of work. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I've been living with Annie for the past few years. Helping her out. Lord knows she needs it with this little bugger," she replies, ruffling Noah's hair. "And I had nothing for me in Seven. So I came here."

"Interesting. You… like it here?"

"No shortage of excitement," she says with a smirk. "How long are you staying, gorgeous?"

I roll my eyes, remembering how she used to tease me with that so long ago. "Three weeks."

"Oh good. Get to have fun with you for awhile."

"I suppose so," I answer shortly.

We manage to keep up small talk until we get to an average-sized house, just off the beach. It is cottage style, with a number of tiny flowers spotting the front lawn in no particular pattern.

"Here we are," Johanna announces, letting go of Noah's hand.

He proceeds to run up the walk ahead of us. Before he is even to the door, though, it is open. A woman of dark, long hair opens the door quickly and scoops him up.

"I was wondering where you were!" she exclaims, pulling him to her chest. "My Noah. Were you keeping Aunt Johanna out late again?"

"Yes, Mommy…" he answers guiltily. "But look who we found!" He points our way with a smile.

Green eyes raise up and find their way to me. "Who… Oh! I know you! What was…?"

"Yes, Gale," I answer with a small smile. "It's… nice to see you, Annie," I say slowly as I reach the front door, Johanna close behind.

"Oh, yes, of course, do come in," she bubbles, setting little Noah down. "Hurry to bed," she says to him, tapping his shoulder.

He nods before dashing off.

"Can I get you anything, Gale?" Annie asks, eyes wide. "Coffee? Snack?"

"Oh no, I'm alright," I answer gently.

She nods with a small smile. "Well, sit down…"

The three of us sit in the living room, Annie with her feet pulled up under her on the loveseat across the room. Johanna and I are seated on the couch.

"How have you been, Gale?" Annie questions softly.

"Good. Tired lately…"

"Is work hard?"

"Not hard, just tiresome. Not many people I like around there, I'm afraid."

She smiles lightly. "Vacation here, then?"

"Yes."

"Where have you been staying, then?"

"Oh, a hotel… Actually, this is my first day here."

"Oh! Well, good thing we found you now then."

"Yes, it's nice," I agree. Despite myself, a slight yawn escapes my lips.

Annie purses her lips. "You're tired. Would you like to stay here for the night?"

The question catches me slightly off-guard. I have to consider it for a moment; I did already pay, but then again, what does it matter? "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

She positively beams at me. "Good. I'm glad to have you. I have to be going to bed now, though, so… Goodnight, you two."

"Goodnight," Johanna returns. I merely nod.

As soon as Annie is gone, I remark, "She seems better."

"Yes, quite a bit better… she's… Noah has helped her a lot… She used to have nightmares every night. But then one night… they just stopped…" Johanna shrugs, her eyes lingering on the window across the room. "So, tell me, Gale. Are _you_ better?"

"Excuse me?"

Her eyes meet mine. "Katniss. When's the last time you spoke to her?"

My voice is hollow as I answer, "Over five years ago. Before I… left."

Johanna looks stricken. "What?"

I just shrug weakly. "She wrote me a letter once. Right after I moved to Two. I… couldn't return it. For a long time, I hated her." My voice sounds angry, even to me. I take a deep breath. "Maybe I still kind of do. But… only recently have I wanted to see her again…" I shrug again. "Whatever. She probably hates me too by now, not that I blame her. I… her sister… Peeta. Surely she doesn't care." I blink quickly, looking away. The words possess an empty hopefulness, and I hope Johanna doesn't hear it.

Johanna just stares at me with a sorrowful expression. "Gale, no. She… How…" She bites her lip, her tone taking a more angry tone. "I can't believe that happened to you two. That's… not _fair_."

"She's happy, though. So I'm alright with it all, I guess." Again, I know I must sound like I'm lying.

"Gale, that's not right. What about you, though? She just blew you off."

I cringe. "Yeah."

"Sorry… but really. That's… not fair."

"Two has been good, though… I make enough money. More than I need, surely. I keep in touch with my family… more or less. I can't say I've ever really thought I needed anyone. After all, that would just be more mouths to feed, right?" I ask vacantly, staring off to the side.

"That's still just…" she makes an upset, huffing noise.

"What about you? When's the last time _you_ spoke to her?"

"Oh, last week or so. She… calls every other week or so. Maybe she'll call while you're here and you can talk to her."

I feel the blood rush from my face. "No. I don't know if that would be… a good idea… I was really planning on never…"

"Don't you dare say 'never speak to her again.' You'll talk to her if she calls."

I just give an empty smile. "Well… we'll see, I suppose." I, however, have no intention of doing that. I can't. I hesitate before asking slowly, "Anything new happen… with her?"

Johanna shrugs. "Same old, same old. They literally… do nothing it seems. Peeta runs his bakery of course, and she mostly stays home. What she does all day, I have no idea. Nothing to do at home. I think she goes in to help him sometimes. She must have some sort of side job… Huh. I don't know. But yeah. No kids or anything… Odd ones, they are. I would want kids, especially now that the Hunger Games are done." Johanna shrugs nonchalantly. "Wouldn't you?"

A flood of emotions comes back as I suddenly remember the day before Katniss was reaped. How I mentioned kids. I chew my lower lip, looking down. "Yes. I would. Katniss… never did…"

"Well…" It's silent for a moment before she says, "Perhaps we should be getting to bed."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Alright, c'mon then. I'll show you to the spare room."

;x

I'm woken the next morning by Johanna. My eyes flicker open, my eyebrows instantly raised.

"Hurry up! Get up!" she cries, hitting me with a pillow.

"Alright, alright," I mutter, practically falling out of bed. I abruptly pull on my pants and shirt from yesterday, not appreciating Johanna's eyes on me. "What is it?"

"Annie's made breakfast! Pancakes and stuff."

"Lovely," I reply dryly as she grabs my hand and pulls me out the door. I can only assume this must be a rare occurrence since Johanna is so excited.

Indeed, in the kitchen, Annie is just serving out pancakes onto plates. Noah already has his hands on the syrup and is dousing his breakfast.

"Watch out there, kid," Johanna says. "Don't want you too hyped up on sugar."

"Yeah, yeah," he dismisses her.

I smile slightly at Noah. He's really so much like his father; his looks, his attitude. I imagine when he's older, he'll be so much like the Finnick I knew. Spontaneous and a little mad like Annie, though. As soon as he finishes his food, he jumps up. "I want to go down to the beach!" he announces.

Johanna nearly sighs, poking at what is left of her food. "Sure, kid. I guess we can."

"I'm going to go put my swimsuit on!" he cries, grinning. "I'll be back!"

"Better finish soon," she murmurs under her breath as she stands. "He'll want to leave as soon as he's back down. And… you'll probably need more clothes. You did bring something to swim in, right?"

"I… may have," I say loosely, honestly not sure what I did and didn't pack.

She rolls her eyes, tossing her plate into the sink. "We'll stop by the hotel."

Sure enough, as soon as Noah is back in the kitchen, he is bubbling about getting to the beach. After changing herself, Johanna just barely manages to convince him to stop by the hotel with us. Indeed, I did manage to bring a swimsuit. I change quickly, pulling on a shirt I don't mind getting wet.

It hardly takes any time, though, and less than a half hour later, we are down at the beach.

Noah runs straight into the water, laughing. "Aunt Johanna! Come in with me!" he gushes.

"Oh, no, that's alright. You know I don't…" she trails off, "Gale can go in."

I cast her a disbelieving look. "Can't even go in with him?" I ask lightly.

"No, I… I just thought you would like to," she says shortly, seating herself in the sand a number of feet from the water.

"Right," I say, giving it no further thought. "Okay, I'm coming."

The kid is practically a fish. I can only assume that comes with living in District Four. He does not hesitate at all swimming far past a depth where his feet touch the sand. I keep close watch of him, though.

After a few minutes, he bobs over to me and then leans up to my ear. "You know why Aunt Johanna won't come in?" he whispers.

"Why's that?"

"She's afraid of the water."

"Why—" and then I stop. _Water_. Of course. "Oh," I draw.

"She has never told me why," he answers quietly, as if he is saying something scandalous.

"That's alright, don't ask her." I suddenly am remembering how they tortured her in the Capitol. Water and electricity. The girl must be scared to death. I begin to wonder how long it took her to work up the courage to even come this close to the shore. It must surely be hard, even for fearless, brutal Johanna.

Soon, Noah's tired himself out and is asking to go back home. Whining is more like it. The kid's tired himself out so much that I have to carry him out of the water. Back on the shore, Johanna has fallen asleep in the sand. I nudge her awake with my foot, afraid Noah might have himself fallen asleep in the minute it took me to get out of the water. If not, he's definitely really sleepy. It takes a bit, but a moment later, Johanna is forcing herself awake. She stretches before forcing herself to her feet.

"Is he asleep?" she asks dryly.

"I… I think so."

She cocks an eyebrow but doesn't ask anything else about it. "Time to go, then?"

"Yes, I would think so…"

;x

After dinner, Johanna pulls me back outside and right back down to the beach. She doesn't speak until she's sitting down in the sand with her feet buried in the sand and me next to her.

"So, Gale," she starts. "Tell me about life."

I give a short laugh, offering a small shrug. "It's been fine."

"What's your job like? What do you do?"

"Oh, nothing too exciting. Mostly desk work, monitoring security. That's all I ever do. Sometimes I get to go out, but I usually just sit at the computer…" I shrug again. "Important but not exciting."

"Sounds fun. Are you swimming in money over there?"

"More than I need, definitely," I respond quietly. "I send some to Mom every so often. Not that she really needs it either… She's got a real job now. Rory and Vick do too…"

"Well, that's good… How often do you talk to them?"

"Not… very often."

She shifts her gaze over to me. "You should talk to them more. I… would if I had a family to speak to. It's a waste to not keep in touch."

"I… yes, I suppose I should." I hesitate, wanting to ask her about _her_ family. I really want to know, but I don't know that she would want to talk about it. She probably would, but I can't bring the words to my lips.

We lapse into silence. Judging by Johanna's fidgeting, I can tell she doesn't like it. But having nothing to say, I wait for her to speak again.

I regret it once she does.

"So, why didn't you take your shirt off when you went into the water? With a body like yours…" She smirks slightly.

I give her a sidelong glance. "You know I have scars," I reply simply.

"You say that like I've seen you with your shirt off a million times," she replies, rolling her eyes. "No, that does sound familiar." She waves her hand nonchalantly. "What from?"

"Ah, whipping."

Her eyebrows shoot up. "What? Really?"

"Why would I lie about that?" I ask amusedly. "Yeah. Caught poaching."

"Ouch. I wanna see." Her fingers extend towards the back of my shirt.

"No, I really don't think you do," I say, scooting away.

"Come on!"

I give her a disbelieving look for a long moment; she just returns it with an expecting smile. Finally, I sigh and concede. I pull off my shirt slowly, with my back away from her. She has her eyebrows raised expectantly, and I just roll my eyes at her as I turn away from her.

"Ow," she says simply. I feel her fingers touch my skin. "That looks painful."

"Yeah, it was," I respond flatly.

Johanna continues to drag her fingers along my back, curious. She's odd, really. Most people seem to cringe away at them, for they're not exactly pretty. Sometimes, I wonder if it can really even be called _scars_. It's more that my skin is rippled and healed in odd, twisting ways. It's something I don't even like to look at.

"Are you done yet?" I finally question.

She scoffs, sitting back. "Sure, sure." Before I can pull my shirt back on, she remarks, "You should keep your shirt off more often though."

I eye her inquiringly and then just shake my head. "Right," I say, dismissing her. With my shirt back in place, I state, "We should go down to the water." Her response is really all I want.

Immediately, she replies, "Oh, no, I don't think we should." The panic in her eyes is hard to miss.

"Why?" I question, standing. I hold my hand out to her, expecting her to come.

She does stand, albeit very hesitantly. "I don't like water."

"I know. That's why we're going to go."

Without hesitation, she jerks her hand away, taking a step back. "Then why would we go?"

"To get you over that fear."

She narrows her eyes at me. "I don't think that's any concern of yours."

"Johanna…"

"I'm perfectly fine avoiding water as much as I can, thank you. I don't mind. I don't see what it matters, either!" She folds her arms.

"I'm sorry I offered. I just thought—" the glare on her face makes me stop.

"You're not the only one with scars, Gale," she snaps. "Why can't I just have _one_ thing I can be afraid of?"

I reply quietly, "I didn't mean that—"

"No! Of course not! No. You know what? I have to be strong about everything! Everything. Being afraid of the water is just fine with me!" she cries angrily. "I have had to stay strong about every other stupid thing! When my dad died, my stupid sister and mother were useless. They made my brother run away! They hardly ate, were going to kill themselves, but I sat there and shoved food down their throats. They didn't even thank me when the whole damn situation was over! And in the end, I still couldn't save them! Their death is on my hands!" she screams. Her hands shake at her side, her eyes are wide. "I have to deal with that. And I don't think… I've ever told anyone that. I've stayed strong long enough, Hawthorne. I'll stay away from the water all I like." By now, her voice has fallen to a hiss.

Johanna then tries to leave, but I catch her by the wrist.

"Johanna, I'm sorry," I say softly. "I didn't know you… I didn't…" I'm at a loss for words. I really hadn't known it would affect her so much. "I'm sorry."

She's still turned away from me. "Let go."

"Johanna—"

"I'm not going anywhere, just let go!" she yells.

I slowly loosen my grip.

She doesn't move to leave. She just pulls her hands up to her face, seemingly wiping her eyes. For a long time, she keeps her back to me. I can only guess she doesn't want me to see the tears that must be in her eyes.

At last, she turns back my way, hesitantly meeting my eyes. "Sorry," she says plainly.

"Why?" I whisper.

"That was too much. Shouldn't have told you all that. You don't care. I'll just—"

"Now why wouldn't I care?"

She looks startled. "You hardly even know me," she whispers. "I don't expect you to care. Don't need you to. Don't want you to." She then turns and begins to walk quickly towards the house, hand once again going to her face.

"Johanna!" I call, hurrying to catch up. "Johanna, please." I'm at her side now, though she keeps her face down. "What's…" I trail off, unsure of what to say. However, she doesn't need my prodding.

"I just can't do it anymore!" she yells, jerking to a stop and swerving around to meet my eyes. "I can't _do it_! I am sick and tired of being here. And _you_," she says strongly, pressing a finger to my chest, "need to talk to your family more because some of us don't have one!" Her voice cracks. "I'm tired of having no one, Gale. Annie isn't always all the way there, and Katniss isn't exactly my best friend either. I haven't got a family and _you do_," she cries, hitting me in the chest before turning away. A sob escapes her, and she covers her mouth. "Damn it, Gale. I hate you." But her voice has lost the venom from before, and I'm sure this remark isn't coming from the fact that I don't speak to my family often. Somehow, I think this has to do with the shaking of her chest and the stinging of her eyes.

Johanna doesn't like to be seen as weak. This I know about her. Therefore, I'm cautious as I ask, "What happened to your family, Johanna?"

"I told you already," she mutters, shaking her head as she starts to walk towards the house again.

I linger back, watching her walk away. Pressing her won't do any good now. Once she's far ahead of me, I start back towards the house. And once I'm there, Johanna is nowhere to be found; I can only assume she's gone to her room and probably locked the door. The house is surprisingly void of any noise. Noah's quiet, and Annie isn't to be seen. It's very likely they are already asleep.

I ghost down the hallway and slip into my room, leaving the door cracked open. I throw open the window, pushing the curtains to the side. The sky is fading from orange, favoring its darker night shades. I inhale deeply, falling back onto my bed.

Johanna's words echo in my mind. It really is selfish of me, in a way, to not speak to my family. I can't help but feel a little guilty. Moreover, however, I just want to know about Johanna. I know she's not as cold as she puts on; I probably seem just as distant as her, and I know I'm not void of emotion. Yet I don't know what to do with her.

Rolling onto my side, my gaze fixes on the open window. My eyes fall shut, though I have no intention of sleeping anytime soon. The knot in my stomach wouldn't allow for that.

After moments too long and too quiet, there is suddenly a noise to break it. A gentle knock at my open door. I turn quickly, eyes immediately meeting the only pair of brown eyes in the house. Slightly stunned, I quickly sit up.

"Sorry," she says quietly.

"W-what? No, I'm sorry. I… Yeah, just sorry."

Johanna scoffs, "Shut up, Hawthorne. I said some stupid stuff, that was all really stupid. I overreacted." She sits down on the edge of the bed.

"No," I say carefully, "I don't think you did."

She narrows her eyes. "What?"

"I think… you said exactly what you wanted to say," I reply.

"What are _you_ saying?" she questions dryly, small smile playing at her lips.

I roll my eyes slightly. "Nothing," I breathe, stretching my arms above my head before falling back onto the bed. "I think you just have a lot of pent up emotions you don't ever talk about."

She jerks towards me, and I tense, expecting a slap. But she just collapses onto the bed next to me and lets out a short laugh. "You're right. I don't like talking. There's no one to talk to, not about me at least." She falls silent. I, expecting her to continue, don't speak either. Finally, she sighs and her gaze flickers over to me. "I don't expect you to want to listen, but I don't really care. I'm talking." The look in her eyes tells me she knows that I want to listen so I don't say anything once again. However, she herself stays silent for a long time. Finally, "Gale?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what to even say."

I offer a small smile. "Well, how about your family? What happened with them?"

She knots her fingers together. "My dad died… long before the Games. I already said… that. Then I… I didn't even get a month with them after I came back from the Games. Snow's goons came and found me as soon as possible and wanted… to _sell me_." Her voice dropped quiet, but she spat the words. "Wanted me to come to the Capitol. But I wouldn't go." Johanna stares down at her hands, looking everywhere but at me. "I didn't… believe him when he said he'd kill my family. I should have." Her voice broke, and she takes a deep breath. "I should have gone to the Capitol." She covers her mouth with her hand, closing her eyes. Even with it clamped over her mouth, I can see her fingers shaking violently. "They killed them in our house. In the house. I was lying in my room and I heard her scream. Both of them. Oh, I _hated_ my mom and sister but those screams…" She finally looks over at me, meeting my gaze. "At first, I thought it wasn't a big deal. I was happy to hear the screams. But I can still hear them." Then Johanna suddenly freezes and sits up. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I should really… go…"

I grab her by the wrist, lurching up. The quaver in her body is evident, and she jerks her hand away. "Don't. No…" I say slowly.

Johanna groans lightly, turning back towards me. "That's all there is to tell," she replies weakly. "I should… go back to bed." She stands before I can stop her and makes it to the door before she stops, one hand on the doorknob, one on the frame.

Before she can stop it, an uncharacteristic sob breaks from her throat. Johanna's hands go to her eyes, her shoulders sinking.

"Johanna…"

As soon as her name leaves my lips, I'm up and standing next to her. I don't' know what I intended to do, but she turns and throws her arms around me. For a moment, I'm stunned, but then I carefully return the gesture. She refuses to let me see her face, electing to bury it against my chest.

"I-I need to stop," she gasps, though she makes no move to turn away.

"No…" I reply gently.

"I just… I hated them so much! Th-they tried to leave me, just like… just like everyone. But I can still _hear_ them." She curses, taking a deep breath. "I guess it's karma. You're not supposed to hate your family." She manages to laugh dryly, wiping her eyes hastily. Johanna only moves back a step or so. A small smile touches her lips. "You're a good guy, Gale."

The comment takes me back. "Why?"

"Tell me to leave," she whispers. "Tell me I'm weak or… or overreacting or stupid."

"I can't do that," I say lightly, leaning against the wall.

"I know, and I don't understand because I feel like _I am_." Johanna laces her fingers through her hair, dropping her face. "I can't… talk, can't… I'm going crazy," she hisses.

For a long time, I am quiet, thinking about her words. An idea forms in the back of my mind. A mad, far-fetched idea. Slowly, I say, "Maybe you need… to go somewhere else. Get out of here."

"Where would I go?" she breathes. "And Annie…"

"Johanna. You could come with me. And Annie is just fine here, have you seen her?" My voice sounds desperate, even to me. Only now do I realize how starved for any sort of friendship I've been. I want Johanna to come with me. I want someone to talk to.

She raises her eyes carefully to meet mine. "You want me to come with you?" For a sickening moment, I think she's going to laugh me off and turn me down. Then she just chuckles under her breath and says, "You're daring, Gale." She looks down, her hand on the doorknob. "I like that. I'll get back to you." As she slips out the door, she offers me a knowing smirk before disappearing down the dark hallway.

;x

She hasn't gotten back to me. I leave tomorrow morning, ten hours away, and Johanna hasn't mentioned leaving again. Every so often, she would catch my eye and give me an ambiguous look to which I never quite knew how to respond.

I toss a shirt into my suitcase with a sigh, assuming she's just decided to stay but doesn't want to flat out tell me. _That's okay_, I think, _I understand_. Honestly, though, I'm a bit upset with her. Johanna, I'd thought, needed to be around people she could talk to. She must know best though. After all, who am I to tell her?

Despite myself, I fall onto the bed and press my fingers to my eyes. I stifle a yawn as I roll over and bury my head in the pillow. Does she plan to stay here forever? I can't see her doing such a thing.

I just wish she'd at least let me know.

Part of me doesn't know why I care so much; the larger part of me knows it's for selfish reasons. _I_ want someone to talk to. _I_ want to be able to hang out with someone. And Johanna's the only person I'm really comfortable around of late.

I turn back over and let out a long breath. I'm just about ready to get up, turn off the light, and finally go to bed when a loud knock at the door startles me. Eyes flying to the door, I scramble up. Johanna, however, goes ahead and lets herself in.

"Bet you thought I forgot, huh?" she asks with a smirk.

"Something like that."

"Well, I didn't," she replies simply, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'm coming with you, Hawthorne." She pauses, pursing her lips. "I asked Annie, and she said she was okay. Talked to Noah, he said it sounded like a good idea."

"That's good," I say slowly.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Johanna says, giving a small laugh. She runs her fingers through her hair, letting out a short sigh. "Something different, finally. Four is nice for awhile but…" She shakes her head.

"Well… You'll like Two, I think."

Her eyes meet mine for a long moment, and then she gives a small nod. With a minute grin at her lips, she asks, "So, Gale. What time do we leave?"


	2. Part II

By the way, kudos to you if you know where the title comes from.

* * *

><p><strong>Part II;<strong>

Johanna kicks her feet up on the seat in front of us. Her eyes are glued to the window at first, and she stares, transfixed, at the passing scenery. For the first hour or so, she remains quiet. Her silence is striking but welcome. I drift in and out of sleep a number of times. Finally, soon after waking once again, she turns toward me. By the expression on her face, I expect her to say something along the lines of _I'll miss Four_ or _I'm worried about Annie_. But no.

"I _better_ like it in Two."

I scoff, rolling my eyes slightly. "I'm positive you will."

"Well."

"Don't be so negative," I murmur, looking past her to the blur of landscape out the window.

She folds her arms. "I don't remember you being the picture of positivity."

"No one said I was," I remark. "Actually… I'm terrified you won't like it."

A laugh from her. Dry laugh. "I can always leave."

"But I don't want you to." My eyes stay glued past hers.

She jerks into my line of sight, however. "Oh?"

I just roll my eyes at her. "Just as tired being alone as you are," I mumble.

Johanna stretches her arms over her head, letting out a yawn. "Mm, I guess."

A silence falls back over us, not entirely uninvited. Fidgeting beside me, Johanna's eyes dart around the train. She chews at her nails and keeps her eyes trained out the window. After awhile, she pulls her legs to her chest and rests her forehead on the tops of her knees. I can only assume she's managed to fall asleep.

I begin to wonder just what exactly I'll do with her in Two. I have an extra bedroom and enough money to get whatever else she needs, but… I really know next to nothing about her, despite how much time I spent with her the past three weeks. Does she like to go outside? Move around? Sit and watch television? Somehow, I can't see her doing any of that. With Noah running around, Johanna never really seemed to do exactly what she wanted. Even when it was just the two of us. It is odd, really. Johanna probably doesn't know what she's going to do either without the kid.

And I don't exactly know what to do with another person in the house.

It will be, it seems, a bit of a learning experience for the both of us.

;x

Johanna refuses to let me help her with her bags. Not that I really expected her to.

As soon as we exit the train station, we're met by a cloudy day. Hundred-story and higher buildings surround us. People are bustling down the street on their cell phones. The small, crowded streets offer for a few cars, cabs, busses. Most people walk, though. With all the alleyways and shortcuts too small for vehicles, it's really more convenient that way.

"Well, here we are," I say unenthusiastically, glancing her way.

"It looks a lot different than when we came here on the Victory Tour," she murmurs, eyes flying around. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she looked amazed or even impressed. Soon enough, however, the familiar uninterested expression comes back.

I continue, ducking into a lit alley. "Yeah, well it's been awhile."

"Yeah, I know. But still." She falls into step behind me. "How far until your house? Apartment? Whatever it is?"

A small smile touches my lips. "About ten minutes. And… it's an apartment. Of sorts."

"Of sorts?" she questions flatly.

"Well when you first walk in, it's my office. Where I work. But keep going and it's an apartment." I hesitantly look over my shoulder at her, expecting her to look less than enthused.

She merely looks confused. "Sounds interesting."

"A little."

After a moment of silence, she continues suddenly, "…No, I'm not even going to lie, that sounds actually _really_ weird and a little just… strange, but."

I laugh shortly. "It's not actually."

"We'll see, Hawthorne."

The alley opens back to another sidewalk, and I catch the quick, genuine smile on her lips before it fades away. We continue down the sidewalk and turn at a street a few roads up. Then I point at a tall, silver building before us. "Right there."

She quickly asses it. "How many floors?"

"Thirty-seven."

"…Right. That's a lot."

"There are higher," I reply amusedly.

She just shakes her head and starts walking faster.

With her new found pace and the lack of people on this street, we soon find ourselves in the sleek elevator of my building. I press the button for floor twenty-five. With the abrupt rising of the elevator comes Johanna's hand. She grabs my upper arm, eyes wide.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of elevators," I breathe, looking down at her.

She leers at me. "No, just wary of… the… fast ones."

"Wary of the fast ones," I repeat under my breath. "Well."

"Shut up." She pushes me aside as the elevator _ding_s. The doors slide open to reveal an empty floor. Carefully, she steps out and then looks around at the hall: white walls rising up from white tile with splashes of silver and light blue found in the minimal decorations.

I nod slightly to the right as I begin walking. As I slow, I pull a silvery-blue card from my pocket. We come to a stop before metal double doors just like all the others. The number _2509_ on the door is the only differentiation. A place to swipe my keycard is located right next to a small white button. I slide my key through, and the doors slide open noiselessly.

"Here we are," I murmur as I step in, Johanna at my side.

She takes in the office-area wordlessly. It matches the hallway's décor. All white, silver, and pale blue. My desk is to the right, against the front wall. Large windows provide the light necessary during the day. Without moving, Johanna surveys the room quietly. I almost want to just push her into the actual apartment area, but I concede to not rush her.

Finally, Johanna speaks. "So is the whole building decorated like this?"

I only roll my eyes at her. "No, let's just move on."

"You District Two people are pretty boring so far."

"They are."

A small smile touches her lips as I press the button that opens a sliding door identical to the front doors. These, however, open into a much more homely room. Or, so I like to think. Really, it's exactly the same, and only the color scheme is different. Instead of blues and silvers, I'd moved for more browns and greens.

I always did prefer the forest over the city.

Johanna seems to share this mindset. "A bit better," she allows. Her eyes trail around, gazing at the kitchen to the left and the living room to the right. Everything here is small, but just large enough to fit what's needed.

I gesture in front of us, to the hallway, and head down. I tap the first door, "My room." Then I point to the two doors on the other side. "Your room and then the bathroom. You can… put your stuff down in there, I guess."

Once she dumps everything in the room now designated as hers, she plops herself down on the couch beside me. "So what do we do now?"

Casting a glance her way from the corner of my eye, I say, "Well, what do you want to do?"

Immediately, "Eat."

"Well, there are some frozen things in the free…" I stop when I notice the deadpan expression on her face. I continue slowly, "Or we could go out?"

"There you go, Hawthorne," she responds, pulling herself to her feet.

She's ready to go and standing at the door before I can even pull on a coat.

As we make our way down to the street, she says she doesn't entirely care what we eat. And I, of course, have no idea where to go. I do not think Johanna would say that she didn't care to be polite, but I still have no idea, really, what she likes. Finally, she just tells me to go wherever my favorite place is. When I tell her that that would be an old hole-in-the-wall diner, she only seems all the more excited.

At the restaurant, everyone knows me. And of course they all assume Johanna is a date. The waitress—whom I happen to know is named May—keeps giving me knowing smiles when Johanna isn't looking. I try to cast them glances to say that she is really just a friend, but they seem to either not get what I'm trying to communicate or simply don't care.

"So what will we be having?" May asks, that same, maddening smile painted on her face. "Usual for you, Gale?" I give a slight nod, the expression on my face a little disbelieving. She then turns to Johanna, "And for you?"

"Um…" She closes the menu slowly, wearing a perplexed look. "I don't really know. Get me what he's getting."

I cock an eyebrow. "You don't even know what that is."

She shrugs. "Surprises keep things interesting."

May grins broadly, chirping, "Right away."

After she brings us our drinks, I say carefully, "So, back in Four, you said… something about your family." She tenses slightly. "What—"

"I don't talk about them," she says quickly. "I don't like to, don't want to. What happened that day was… strange. Stupid. I don't get that way usually, don't plan to anytime soon. I thought I… explained that." She shakes her head rapidly, shortly. "No. Don't expect me to talk and… act… like that on a regular basis."

I wordlessly meet her gaze. Was worth a shot. "Alright then. Well…"

"What about your family, huh? What are they up to lately?" she questions, eyes downcast.

"You know that I don't know," I reply, almost inaudibly. "I assume they're well."

Johanna shrugs. "I'm sure."

We lapse into silence. I stare at my hands in my lap, unable to provide any source of conversation. Somehow, I feel pressured to, and that stymies my thought process even more. A moment later, however, May saunters back up, food on a tray.

"Two hamburgers," she announces, placing them down.

"Real creative," Johanna says, smiling lightly.

"Never was one for decadence," I respond with a shrug.

Just before she walks away, May remarks, "You know, Gale doesn't get many girlfriends."

Johanna, who has just taken a sip of her drink, nearly chokes on it. Hastily, she recovers, managing an amused response, "Oh, I imagine not."

I groan loudly. As I take a bite of my food, I glare across the table at Johanna, who looks like she's about to burst into a fit of laughter.

May just giggles, almost confusedly, before disappearing behind the counter.

I narrow my eyes at Johanna. "You're a piece of work."

"I do try."

For the most part, we eat in silence. Johanna makes a remark that I actually do have a good taste in food and another side comment about the waitresses being a little too involved in my love life. Sure enough, the whole staff seems to be looking at me.

"I don't come here often enough to be subjected to this," I mutter. "See if I ever come here again."

Johanna only laughs in response, coy smile lingering on her lips.

The very moment we finish, I hand the money off to May, and Johanna and I slip out hastily. Since we went in, it's gotten dark; she has this idiotic smile on her face, lit up dimly by the street lights.

"What?" I ask amusedly.

"I know where I'm going to hang out when you're working."

I shoot her a slight glare as we turn down an alleyway. "Fantastic," I murmur.

"I mean no harm."

"Yes, of course."

She grins naively, her hands swinging at her sides.

I ask, "Why are you so amused by this?"

A curious expression crosses her face as she raises it to meet mine. She is silent, thinking, for a moment. Then she says, "Well, I've never really been able to… do this sort of thing."

"How so?" I question gently.

"I've just always had someone to be looking out for, something to be doing, something to be watching out for. Never really got to… just mess around like this. I like it."

It's funny that I was the same way before coming here. I remember when I first came here, I had no idea what to do with free time. "I understand," I acknowledge thoughtfully, slowly. "I guess you had family to look out for in Seven, then."

The narrowing of her eyes was almost predictable. "How do you always manage to steer the conversation towards my family, Hawthorne?" she asks lightly, shaking her head.

I shrug. By this time, we're walking down the sidewalk leading to my apartment building. I finally answer, "Just trying to figure you out, I guess."

"You've got plenty of time to do that."

I glance her way out of the corner of my eye as I open the front door of the building. "Oh yeah? And what do you mean by that?"

"Well, I'll be around for awhile, won't I?"

I try to hide my lack of words by pretending to have trouble sliding the card through the elevator's lock. Fumbling, I finally manage to get it to slide open. Then I reply quickly, "Yeah, of course. Uh, y-yeah, I guess so." I downcast my eyes, messing with the card between my fingers. In truth, I'd never really thought about how long Johanna would stick around. Somehow her saying it aloud, that she would be around awhile, was shocking. To think anyone would stick around with me was foreign.

My thoughts are interrupted by a small chuckle from Johanna. "You're a little hopeless, you know that?" My eyes snap up questioningly. "Wouldn't think it, but you're completely speechless right now. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look a little nervous. It's strange."

"Why would that be strange?" I ask, my voice quieter than I'd intended.

"Well… I remember you being this big, strong guy. Tough. Not afraid of anything, much less some girl saying she'd like to stick around for awhile." She shakes her head slightly, continuing, "You were harsh, even. Willing to do anything, no matter how violent. But I don't remember you ever… making an effort towards people. Towards… relationships. It was always… business. War." She trails off, sounding thoughtful.

I stare at her for a long moment, unable to find the words to speak. Only when the elevator dings and I step out do I reply, "I was that way to protect those I loved."

She is silent, but I can tell she's merely formulating her response in her head. So I wordlessly open the door, and we head to the living room of my apartment. The whole time, she's deep in thought. Somehow I'd stirred something in her that was much deeper than what I'd actually spoken.

"Gale… but the problem is…" Slowly, she sits down on the couch. Johanna nods for me to sit next to her. She pulls her legs underneath her, crossing them, and then turns to me. Quietly, "Now the danger's gone but so are they."

My throat runs dry. She's right, of course. The words to my reply die on my tongue, and my lips seem to lock together. I part my lips but find myself unable to speak. However, she doesn't seem to need my response.

Carefully, she says, "I only know because it's the same for both of us, Hawthorne." Her hands fall to her lap defeatedly. She offers a frail smile, hardly able to look up.

For the second time, I can't locate the words to reply. I want to tell her that that's okay, it's not the end of the world. She tried her hardest; my family's safe. I want to tell her there's no blame on her—on us for what happened to our families. But those words aren't the sorts of things that come out of my lips. So I stay unwillingly silent.

Then she shakes her head, "I'm sorry, I guess I just—"

"No, no, no," I interrupt, slight panic reading in my voice. "No, Johanna, sorry. You're… you're right," I concede.

"Mm…" she murmurs, eyes going to the floor. "Then again, _I_ got my family killed. You… didn't do that."

I glance over her sympathetically. What I do next is unexpected, hardly voluntary. Carefully I raise my unsteady hand to the side of her face. Unhurriedly, I graze the back of my fingers along her cheek, her jaw line. Her eyes find mine, a defeated almost-smile on her lips. My eyes fall shut, and I move in to brush my lips against hers. I can feel her smile widen as she receives it.

Johanna was right. I _am_ nervous. And it's scary as hell. Of all the things that could shake me, a woman. I choke down those thoughts and whisper, "You didn't kill them." I kiss her slowly, lightly.

Her arms hook around the back of my neck and she deepens the kiss but only for a fleeting moment. She soon breaks away, her forehead against mine, and then replies, "And I suppose you also didn't kill Katniss' little sister."

I cringe slightly, meeting her eyes. "I didn't. In the same way it wasn't really you killing those people in the arena all those years ago. Wasn't you that killed your family."

Confusion flashes in her eyes before she drops them. "Right. All the same," she spits. "Doesn't matter, I suppose." Gradually she pulls away from me completely, turning away.

For a long time only silence fills the air. I watch her with curious eyes; she stares vacantly across the room. Everything that needed to be said, it seems, has been. I see her swallow down hard, and then she drops her face to her hands. Only a second later though, Johanna sighs loudly and overdramatically, and then she turns sharply back to look at me.

"There were some real jerks in power back then, weren't there?" she asks listlessly.

;x

My phone buzzes loudly against the hard desk. I peer over at it out of the corner of my eye. Johanna's name has lit up the screen. With a light sigh, I answer it, "Hello?"

"Yeah, Gale, I don't know where I am."

"This is the fifth time, Johanna. You've been here three weeks. Don't you know your way around yet?"

"Obviously not."

I glance towards the clock. Quarter to five. "I'm not technically supposed to leave the office for another fifteen minutes. Work, you know."

She groans. "Yeah, yeah, right, okay. Well I'm by that factory that's across the street from that one furniture store."

"Why?" I breathe. She doesn't hear me, and I continue, "Okay, I'll come get you in fifteen minutes."

"Fine."

"Hey, you can't get mad at me. You shouldn't get yourself lost."

"_You shouldn't get yourself lost_," she repeats in a mocking voice.

I only laugh lightly. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah." She hangs up.

Rolling my eyes, I turn back to the computer screen. However, I can only think about how she's managed to walk right into the not-so-good side of town. Naturally. With a groan, I stand and leave early. No one will really care, anyway.

I know exactly the place she mentioned, though it's so far from the apartment that it takes me about thirty minutes to get there. By this time, I'm tired and a little put off by Johanna's lack of sense of direction. Once I turn the bend by the factory she mentioned, I'm quick to spot her. She's leaned against one of the buildings, her lips turned sharply downward, and is glaring straight ahead.

"Someone looks upset," I remark as I walk up.

Johanna turns abruptly, and then a reluctant smile lights up her face. "About time. There are freaks out here, you know," she mutters, crossing her arms guardedly.

"…Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Let's just go." She catches my hand and begins walking in the wrong direction.

"Uh, Johanna…"

She stops in her tracks, turns to look at me over her shoulder briefly, and then begins walking the opposite way.

"So how did you get over there?" I finally ask after a few minutes of walking in silence.

"I thought I was headed home but… apparently not."

I roll my eyes.

Soon enough, we're back in the apartment. Johanna falls onto the couch, rubbing her eyes. "Remind me to never leave without you again."

"I'll try," I murmur, walking into the kitchen. I get myself a glass of water, Johanna one also. Seeing as she's practically passed out by now, I figure she needs it.

I make my way back over to her, tap her shoulder, and hand her the glass.

"Oh, thanks… I could have gotten it myself, though," she replies as she takes a sip.

I shrug, setting down my glass. "It's not like it was a problem. Just trying to help out." A slight pause, "That's what… families do, they help each other out."

Johanna's eyes drift downward. "I'm not your family, though."

"Might as well be. You live in my house."

A grin spreads slowly across her face, which she tries to hide by turning her face downward to set the cup on the floor.. "Yeah. The most family I've got." She laughs lightly, which morphs into a contented sigh.

Without warning, she turns towards me, throws her arms around my neck, and presses her lips to mine. I let out a noise of surprise, caught off guard. I don't hesitate in returning it, hand snaking to the back of her head. Just a moment later, she lets out a very uncharacteristic giggle as she breaks away, just enough for me to speak.

"What are you doing?" I ask, amused.

"Kissing you, idiot."

"I—"

She cuts me off, however. A quick peck to the lips and another childlike grin. "I think," she starts slowly, "that I like having you as family, Gale Hawthorne."

"And I you, Johanna Mason."

An unreadable expression passes across her face, her arms around me tighten ever so slightly. "Mm… so you should," she murmurs.

And her lips find mine again.

;x

A few days later, I have to leave the office to help set up a new security system around the Justice Building. Being out all day is tiring. Far more tiring than it should be. So when I walk back into the apartment and hear Johanna on the phone, I'm too worn out to be concerned. I begin to cross the living room, already pulling loose my tie, giving the call no second thought. I've almost made it to the hallway, though, when I hear, "…actually, I think that would be a good idea, Katniss."

I freeze, and the room almost feels like it's jerked to the side. My eyes fly to meet Johanna's. She seems to have already been looking my way. The panic in my eyes must read like a book because immediately she picks up a pen and scribbles something out. I walk over to her silently as possible.

_I haven't told her I'm with you. I won't make you talk to her. Not yet anyway._

She has _yet_ underlined no short of seven times. A small, expecting look offered on the side.

"Thanks," I mouth, expression deadpan, already walking out of the kitchen.

Offering just a small nod, she responds into the phone, "Yeah, that's sounds good. Mhmm…"

The conversation drowns out as I head down the hall, slightly shaken. This is, of course, ridiculous. I'm getting freaked over the fact that Johanna was speaking to Katniss. Katniss who didn't even know I was standing right beside Johanna. But that doesn't stop me from biting down on my lip until it hurts, pressing my fingers to my palms to keep them from quavering.

I'd been doing a damn good job of staying away from Katniss, and in that moment, she felt so tangibly close.

Letting out a defeated sigh, I drop myself onto my bed. I grab the remote from the nightstand and flip to some crap television show I don't intend to watch. Squeezing my eyes shut, I press my fingers to my eyelids.

I groan and wait for sleep to overtake me.

In the back of my mind, I am desperately hoping my want for a nap is because of the long day and not the five seconds in which I heard Johanna speaking to Katniss. Because if it is the latter, I am unquestionably and irrevocably pathetic.

Whatever the reason, I managed to sleep, to sleep without a dream, and when I wake, my eyes immediately find the clock. Two hours I was out. I do not, however, dwell on the time for long, for Johanna is now curled up beside me, her eyes trained on the television.

"That," she draws, " was a long nap."

"Sorry. I guess."

With the slight view of her face I have, I see her lips turn up. "Yeah."

"What are you doing here?" I ask, stifling a yawn.

"Well," she starts, sitting up. "I had stuff to talk to you about. But you were sleeping. So."

Sensing where she's going with this, I warn, "If you mention Katniss I just might have to throw you out of my room."

"Okay, that's fine, whatever, but I have to say it: This Katniss thing is verging on ridiculous."

"Maybe," I allow, "but…"

She makes an exasperated noise. "Look, I know you want to see her. I know you don't hate her, know you want to fix things. You told me that first day you wanted to see her again. So what's the problem?"

A valid question. "There is no problem."

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"You're… impossible. I will claw out your vocal chords if you don't make good use of them and quick."

"Okay. Um, I just don't want it to be on the phone. When I talk to her. If I'm going to speak to her again, it'll be in person. And I don't have any plans to go to District Twelve anytime soon. So therefore, I would not like to speak to her on the phone. That's why I was shaken just then." It's mostly truthful. Partly a lie. Because anything to do with Katniss would make me quite anxious indeed.

She seems to not even hear most of what I said. For, bit by bit, a wicked grin spreads across her face. "Well funny you should say that, actually."

"…What?" I ask warily.

"Don't you dare get mad at me or anything like that because it wasn't my idea, but…"

"What is it, Johanna?"

"Katniss and I made arrangements for me to visit District Twelve."

I don't react, sensing a deeper meaning in her words. "Johanna…"

She finally adds, "And with me, comes you."


	3. Part III

**Part III;**

Gale has gone all but silent, electing to speak only when it is of no great consequence. _Can you get the phone? Will you pass the salt? How was your day, Johanna?_ All were spoken as if they were an echo: frail, hollow.

Something so simple as seeing an old friend would not have done this to someone under normal circumstances. Then again, this couldn't really be called normal. Gale has been running from Katniss for so long. Over five years, and now I'm saying he's going to see her again. It's to be expected, really. For the past six weeks, we've been running. Or so it's felt like. We haven't really been thinking much of the ever-too-present past. Somehow we have managed to evade the consequences found in avoiding our pasts. Caught up in each other, nowhere else to look.

Apart from the sparse conversations pertaining to her, I'd made him forget about Katniss. Apart from his prodding about my family, I'd forgotten them. The horrible history it all. Perhaps brokenness in others is the only way to forget brokenness in oneself.

Whatever it was we had found in each other, we had found not love, not now. It was survival. A reaffirmation of worth.

And now it was me, who had helped him get away from his previous ensnarement, that was sending him back into it. Forcing him to face it head on. For the first time in five years. Katniss Everdeen, the girl he'd been trying so hard to forget.

But this was necessary. Aforementioned was that we had not found love. No. We were not in love, it was only the shadow of love. The idea that we would be if we weren't carrying around so much. The occasional _Love you_ was thrown around, but it was only a vacant expression, holding out for was could be in its place. We knew we could not love, not yet, not with the things we were still clinging so vehemently to. And pretending would work no longer.

So Gale had to make up with Katniss. That was his baggage. In one week, we would leave for Twelve. And he had to do this, or else he would be stuck in the past always. Somewhere in the back of his head, he would still be wondering about the girl on fire.

And I want so badly to love him. Therefore, he can't be clinging to her.

And I cannot be clinging to my family. That was mine to let go.

That's why I boarded a train two days after telling him about the trip scheduled to Twelve. I had to go to Seven.

I am staying here for two days and only two. Though it was more like one full day and two half days, but really the effect is the same.

When I step off at the train station, I nearly keel over. I'd forgotten the scent of Seven, how strong it was. Or perhaps I never really noticed. The smell of evergreens permeates the air; any other smell would be lost. I take a deep breath before moving on, doing my best to fade into the crowd.

Even after being remodeled and cleaned up, District Seven feels the same as it always has. I easily find a hotel, tucked into the less busy side of town. If the woman behind the desk knows my name, she doesn't show it. For this I am grateful.

I've hardly even dropped my bags before I'm collapsing on the bed. I squeeze my eyes shut, fingers curling on the blanket. The moment passes quickly though, and soon I jump up and move to the window. I throw it up, letting in the setting sun and the fresh air. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Even in this tiny hotel room, I feel home. The feeling is freeing, and I haven't even been to the cemetery yet.

;x

The next day comes quickly. All too quickly and yet not quickly enough. I'm conflicted the whole walk to the grave site. More than once I debate just returning to the hotel.

I trudge on.

Somewhere along the way, I find some sort of floral shop. My hands fumble around until they land on a bouquet containing some array of blues and whites.

Jiles always did like blue.

I know the way to the cemetery well; my father's grave never went unvisited for long when I lived here. Hadn't been visited since mother and Jiles were buried, though. Not by me, anyway.

This trip is probably long overdue.

The graveyard is empty. It seems to stretch on for forever; far too long for a field for the dead. How can there be so many?

Carefully I step. Leaves crunch underfoot. Wind blows my hair into my face. The cool air bites at my skin. It doesn't, however, feel like it's me who's walking. I can practically see myself. A girl with a hacked haircut, looking like she just rolled out of bed, all but stumbling through a cemetery. I probably look like some lost mourner.

It doesn't take me long to find them, my mother and sister. Right beside Dad. Before I can even form a competent thought, I fall at his grave. My eyes are glued to his headstone, avoiding mother's and Jiles' like the plague.

"Oh, Daddy…" I breathe. "I'm so sorry." Shaking fingers drop a few flowers just before his headstone. "I suppose you can't hear me though. It doesn't work like that, does it?" The date of death imprinted into the cold stone seems to be enough answer. Finally, though despite, I whisper, "I should have taken care of them. I didn't mean to, Daddy. I didn't." I clamp my teeth down on my lower lip, eyes falling to the faded green of the grass. "The Capitol, they… they put me in the Games, and then they wanted to sell me. I couldn't do that. I didn't know what would happen." I press my fingers to my eyes, tears leaking out. "I'm sorry. It wasn't good enough, but I tried my damn best."

I bite my tongue, the words seeming to sting my tongue. I turn away from his headstone. I let out a shaky breath, knowing however that what I came here for today is a foot and a half to the left. With a knot in my stomach, I turn at last to face the newer headstones.

A strangled noise leaves my lips without my permission. For a second, I'm not even sure it came from me.

"Jiles, hello," I choke out. "I'm sorry, Jiles. Surely you understand though." It's more of a plea than a statement. "Right? I would have never… I'm sorry, I never…. I never hated you. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Jiles, I never wanted… you to die."

Through blurred vision, I barely manage to yank a handful of flowers from the bouquet.

"I got them for you. Blue. You liked blue, right?" I tuck my legs underneath me, desperately wiping my eyes. "Sorry if your favorite color was actually pink. Honest mistake." I manage a shaky laugh.

After that, apologies fall over and over again from my lips for my little sister. Nothing here is forced. She was so young, and now she is no more. There is everything to mourn here. And once the apologies start to run out, I begin to fall silent until I'm enveloped in it.

Not wanting to but knowing I have nothing but this to do, it's to my mother's headstone I look. "Mama," I whisper, "we both messed up, and I… am sorry. It wasn't my fault. But it wasn't your fault you and Jiles became depressed either… I'm sure you must know that it wasn't my fault, but… I'm sorry I didn't care at first. I'm sorry I never grieved you, but I'm paying for that now, Mama. I never let go of you." I put my hand to my mouth, choking down a sob. I squeeze my eyes shut. "You and Jiles were all I had, and I laughed when you died. I was so wrong, and I'm so sorry. I just don't want to hear you screaming anymore…" I keel over, hands over my eyes, elbows in the dirt. Silent sobs tear through me. It's been a long time since I felt this vulnerable. Nothing I can remember measures up to this. I feel weak. "I'm sorry. I probably sucked as a daughter, huh?" I force my eyes open to stare at the stone. "But… I can't hold on forever. I don't want to forget you, but I can't do this anymore. I need… to get past this. 'Cause, Mama, I met a boy. Not really 'met,' not really a 'boy,' I suppose, but…" I force myself to a sitting position, wiping my tears onto my sleeve. "He's… wonderful. You would like him a lot. And for him, I have to let go of… of this. Please… please forgive me, you guys. I need nothing else. I never hated you. I didn't mean it… please, Mama. Jiles."

I sit there for too long a time, groveling as a peasant does before a god. I know not what else I could do, and so I sit and I wait.

When at last the sun is going down, I put my fingers to my lips and then touch each of their headstones. I stand. Then I head towards the exit.

"Dammit," I whisper, "I just spoke to some dead people."

;x

Everything around me after that feels cold. Estranged. Part of me thinks I must have encountered some ghostly entity. The larger, more rational side of me thinks it must just be from sitting out in the autumn air for so long. A miniscule part of me thinks it's something more than that, for it's a definite sort of cold. Constant.

I sigh.

The hotel is cold. The restaurant. The train.

It has to just be me. My mind.

I pull my knees to my chest as I stare listlessly beyond the window. My arms wrap around my legs and my lips press tightly together. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if my family heard me.

A few hours later, when I step off the train, I wonder if it's a good or bad thing that I feel as though I've left part of myself back in Seven. I breathe in the smells of Two, and I can practically feel myself fall back into the pace of life here.

It's painfully different.

But more of painful in the way that you long for. The pain that means you were a part of something and now you're starting something else. Forging your way into something new. The hurt that pounds against your muscles when you've just hacked through a tree trunk, but then you look up to see you've got a million more to cut through. But you know you can do it.

Good hurt.

Meaningful hurt.

I choke down the sentiment and slip through the crowd. The forest of people. As quickly as I can, I dash down the street. Snake through the doors and up to the twenty-fifth floor. Even though I have a key in my pocket, I find myself pressing down the button outside the door.

Not even five seconds later, the door slides open and Gale stands before me. Immediately my bag falls from my hand and my arms wrap tight around his waist. He weakly returns the gesture, and then I take a single step backwards. On my tip-toes, I reach up to peck him on the cheek.

Inside the apartment is warm.

;x

The television light is the only thing illuminating the dark living room. Its low, muffled volume causes the only noise. I'm curled up on the couch, head resting against Gale's leg. I'm hyperaware of his skin against mine as I drag idle patterns on the back of his hand, as his other hand fiddles absentmindedly with my hair. I wonder if he feels the same.

"Gale," I say at last, hardly above a whisper.

"Yes?"

"You're coming to Twelve, right?" The question had gone unasked since I got home a couple days ago, and seeing as how we were scheduled to leave tomorrow, it'd been gnawing at me. He could always back out, though I couldn't imagine him really doing so.

He lets out a defeated sigh. "Of course, Johanna."

My only response is a quiet, "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For doing this for me, for you." A pause. "For Katniss."

"It's not that big a deal."

I let him think that.

Sometime I must have fallen asleep because when I next wake up, I'm in my own bed. The clock reads four-thirty-two. Sleep doesn't seem to want to return to me, so after about twenty minutes, I roll out of bed. Lethargically I make my way over to the door and open it slowly. I shuffle down the hallway but then stop. I turn and head to Gale's room. I rest my hand on the knob and debate turning it for a good ten minutes. Finally I do, and I slip in.

The first thing I become aware of is that he is awake.

"Johanna?" he asks slowly, almost confusedly. Sleepily, Gale props himself up on his elbows.

"Oh good. You're awake," I mumble. I make my way over to the bed and then sit cross-legged beside him.

"What are you doing up?" he questions, sinking back down. His eyes focus blankly on the ceiling, flicking slightly over to me.

"I could ask the same to you. But nothing. I just woke up and decided to come in here," I say softly, fiddling with the blanket.

"I see. I just never fell asleep."

Immediately my face snaps to his. "Gale…"

He merely shrugs. "Couldn't sleep."

I cast him a sympathetic look before sinking down beside him. Intently I study his face; the way the muscles in his arms look when his hands are tucked behind his head; the worry etched in his forehead. I reach over with one hand to cup it against the side of his face farthest from me. I turn his face to mine.

"God, you're such a worrier."

That gets a small smile from him.

My other hand goes to the other side of his face, and then I lean over to kiss him. He kisses back fervently, as a small child who has lost something of great importance.

"What if she hates me, Johanna?" he whispers, pulling back slightly after a moment.

My eyes open to meet his, and I reply under my breath, "How could she?"

"I hated her."

"Well, that's different. You don't anymore, anyway," I answer lamely. "And come on… I've talked to her, you idiot."

He just gives a weak, airy laugh. Hardly even a laugh. More like an amused exhale. "Right. And if she… throws me out?"

"Then… then that's closure. And that's all we want," I whisper, the pain evident in my voice. If that were to happen, I think I would shut down. I would have to knock some sense into that girl myself. Not that it would happen. Could happen. The very idea of it, however, is sickening.

"I guess you're right," he concedes.

I nod ever so slightly and then my eyes dart towards the clock. Ending that topic, I say, "We've got four hours until we have to leave. Maybe you should sleep until then. Can't have you cranky. God, I hate it when you're cranky…"

Gale cracks a smile, a real smile. Then he asks lightly, "Stay with me?"

I breathe, "Yeah."

Then I drop slowly down to the covers, curling up in them. Somewhere underneath, his fingers knot with mine. Not ten minutes later, he's asleep with me following suit soon after.

;x

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty," I exclaim, clapping in his ear.

He jerks up, groaning. His hands go to his face, rubbing his eyes. Gale mumbles a few incoherent words before asking, "What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning. Now get up." I drag him towards the end of the bed before he pulls out of my grip, responding a few mumbled words about how he can get out himself. I nod, heading for the door. "I made you coffee. So hurry up. Before it gets cold."

I then step out of the room, and I drag my suitcase to the front door to join Gale's. I give a satisfied nod before entering the kitchen. I jump up on the counter and grab a box of cereal from the cabinet. Not bothering with a bowl, I eat it right out of the box.

Gale walks in a few minutes later, shuffling around blindly. He's gotten dressed, though it does nothing to make him look more awake.

"Didn't sleep?" I ask flatly.

"Quiet, you."

I offer a small smile. "We leave soon."

"I'm aware."

"Excited?"

"I don't… know if that's the right word. Necessarily. But for all intensive purposes, sure. Why not?" He takes a sip of his drink, sinking down at the table.

"Excellent," I chirp, shortly nodding.

He nods in return, bringing the mug to his lips again. We fall into silence until he finishes. Then he rises lethargically and drops the cup into the sink. He turns to me, unreadable look in his eyes, and says, "Well, we should get going."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for your lovely reviews! I love you all. Also, I thought I'd put my playlist for writing this out there. Because I enjoy it. So. Angel in Disguise by Cinema Bizarre; Awake by Secondhand Serenade; Be My Escape by Relient K. Decipher Reflections from Reality by playradioplay!; Down on You by Tokio Hotel; Fix You by Coldplay; In Our Bedroom After the War by Stars (Heh, you may recognize a line from this); Overdone by Ludo; Problematique by Hot Chelle Rae; Rebel Love Song by Black Veil Brides; Rescue Me by Hawthorne Heights; Savior by Black Veil Brides.<strong>


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